You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There r osticjed everywhere
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
