I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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