the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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