i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
