I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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