I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think i got beer on your cat.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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