Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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