I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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