So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
