Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
