I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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