Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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