The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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