I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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