The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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