Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
