Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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