There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
