he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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