she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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