Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
