I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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