Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
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I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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