New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
