I'll bet she douches with gravy.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
