God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
