He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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