I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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