I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
