is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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