make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
