fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
