Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
