oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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