i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
