I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
