well I can't set my house on fire every night
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
