I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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