it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
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I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
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