Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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