Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
