Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
