so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
