he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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