The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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