Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
