Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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