so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
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