just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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