Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
