you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
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btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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