were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
