I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
