i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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