I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
