just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
