Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
