What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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