What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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