Betty ford says i'm here all night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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