My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
