I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
