If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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